To a Man Loving a Daughter of Divorce

To a man loving a daughter of divorce

     A daughter of divorce desires stability and is often unbalanced; she loves consistency and is always changing. She has memories of being "the man of the house" and the strongest person in her family but feels there are days when she is the weakest woman in the world. You will on occasion be both her sense of adventure and her commonplace.
     This is not a political gender push, but there were times when she had to take out the trash, attempt mowing the lawn (probably didn't work out too well) and do other things that were once someone else's job in the home. She will convince you she can carry the heavy boxes and hold the door open herself. You have to encourage her that she is more than capable of  doing anything and more, but assure her she doesn't have to and remind her that she isn't alone. Four hands can carry a heavy box.
     It doesn't matter how long it's been, how old she is, or how many times she thinks about it. Time heals but it does not forget. She will get sad. It could be 20 years later, sitting at a dining table in your new home and she might just get sad. It might be Christmas and she's having to bake two sets of cookies wrapped separately. It might be your child's birthday party and an extra long table is reserved for all the extra blessings you have received because of divorce. She will be joyful because of the moment and the love and the people... but she will be confused for a moment and a bit uncomfortable, even for a split second because things are not the way they were ever supposed to be. She just needs a hug and a little reminder that it is our heavenly father who has placed each person in that room for a reason.
     A daughter of divorce will teach you what awkward feels like, and the rewards of embracing it. A baseball game where all the kids from every side sit together and play, a birthday party where an aunt gets stuck with a half sibling, a Christmas morning spent at 4 different places. You will know them like family. She will get anxious at her wedding or graduation party because she wants to include everyone but is specific and wants things to be a certain way. Be her deep breath. Show her life is going with the flow sometimes, and standing firm on others. Help her know when the line has to be drawn, and when her walls should come down. She's not too good at that one.
     Finally, a daughter of divorce will not trust you at first. She will be skeptical and scared. But she will do a 180 and trust you with her life once you have committed to loving and pursuing her. You will make mistakes because we all do and you are a human. She knows you are a human, but she will turn small things into big things. In her life, small things always turned INTO big things, so she jumps to conclusions, get anxious, and thinks wild when something goes wrong. She will have to work through those things herself, but you will be right there to hold her when she does. She trusts you more than you ever thought someone could.
     A daughter of divorce doesn't have "daddy issues" or "mommy issues"... she does have adaptive characteristics she has picked up because of an imbalance in her life. She runs away from her problems in survival mode. She shuts people out because no one can leave if they were never inside. She is loud and boisterous because it is necessary to communicate and be heard. You have taken on a challenge my friend. God is using you in unique ways. This woman has been so blessed by her experiences and family and you. She will need reminded of the pros. Give her reasons to forget the cons. You are a good man.

MY Plans Have Been Cancelled

I’m a woman, and like most, I have my whole future planned out in my head and on a Pinterest board… or so I think.

Living in this sweet little town of Abilene, if even five people I know are getting married, it feels like the whole city is, and I panic thinking I must be behind! I’m guilty of becoming frustrated with myself when my own personal time line begins to fall apart, but I was reminded with a slap in the face this week that the timeline I might have had my freshman year of high school isn’t even partially in existence anymore… mostly because it never was. This “timeline” I stuck in my head was never mine to begin with, but God’s. He has been in control from the day I came in to existence and will be in control until I meet him again.

Feeling out of control is one of the worst feelings I can think of, especially when it FEELS like everyone else is totally IN control. (But as my best friend has said, we are all just really good at faking it.) I encourage you, just as I’ve had to encourage myself, to remember that every person’s “timeline” is different. We may not always understand why He has cancelled our plans, but as 2 Peter 3:8 says, “With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.” We can’t always comprehend the way God has laid out our life… and that is a-ok.

Every cancelation, advancement, and delay I have ever faced has simply forced upon me an opportunity for something different… something in HIS plan… and that is something to praise God for.

Society's Smite

Smite:

1)      Strike with a firm blow

I often feel beaten down by everything I’m supposed to be doing, according to an idea I have in my mind. Just last week, I was having lunch with my boyfriend and I was about to order chicken. He was going to order first—a salad-- and I immediately was nervous, rethinking my order. Why did I do that? Is there REALLY a societal standard in the back of my mind that says I am required to order less than the man that chooses me every day regardless of what I order at a restaurant? Am I seriously that worried about chicken verses lettuce?

There were quite a few fine arts opportunities this evening in Abilene. I attended Dance Discovery’s “7” portraying 7 deadly sins and 7 virtues, as well as attending a block party concert. Both were benefitting different organizations. The DD show chose to benefit human trafficking. I learned that 400 girls are bought and sold on the streets of Dallas every night. Totally unacceptable, yet we let it happen. We as a society… talk about a societal “firm blow.”

I believe we live in a beautiful world. Which makes dealing with societal issues, even on opposite ends of the spectrum like my personal food intake or what is acceptable to do with young women, incredibly frustrating. The only standard we are required to face and observe is that of God’s and ourselves. I have too many friends that feel like the world is out to get them. That could be because of 1.) unrealistic societal expectations or 2.) a lack of self-respect and knowledge of the Father’s true love. Both issues are valid. If I want a societal standard based on the way God created us (which is “VERY good”) then it is every human’s personal crisis to know that they themselves were created “very good.” If society’s smite is becoming your dictator, do not EVER forget that you have been made in His image, and He will forever be smite free.

(I ordered chicken by the way. And it was excellent.)

Adoring Me and Abilene: "Abilene, Abilene, prettiest town that I've ever s...

Adoring Me and Abilene: "Abilene, Abilene, prettiest town that I've ever s...: "Abilene, Abilene, prettiest town that I've ever seen." Abilene, Texas may not be the prettiest on the outside but the people ...

"Abilene, Abilene, prettiest town that I've ever seen." Abilene, Texas may not be the prettiest on the outside but the people rooted in this town and the love it brings me far outweigh it's exterior beauty.

On a similar note, as a female college student growing up in a society struggling with self-love and an unhealthy desire for reassurance, I find myself comfortable with my morale standards, confident in my abilities, but apprehensive in my relationship with the Creator who made me perfect and the relationship that is me and myself.

My name is Kayla Copher and I'm creating a blog to encourage the things around me that consistently fall short of their potential: Adoration for your roots, and in this case MY roots-Abilene, Texas; and adoration for myself. God created me beautifully, inside and out. I have an incredibly loving boyfriend, family, and support system who are wonderful at reminding me of my self worth, but embedding self-love is ultimately no one's job but the SELF. It's time we start taking ourselves on dates, talking to the Lord about how beautifully he created us, thanking our encouragers, and growing where we have been rooted. I unfortunately have more faith in the beauty of Abilene, Texas than myself, a statement that may be contrary to what everyone else might tell me. It's time I start seeing myself the way my friends do, and helping my friends see Abilene the way I do. It's time we start "Adoring Me and Abilene."