To a man loving a daughter of divorce
A daughter of divorce desires stability and is often unbalanced; she loves consistency and is always changing. She has memories of being "the man of the house" and the strongest person in her family but feels there are days when she is the weakest woman in the world. You will on occasion be both her sense of adventure and her commonplace.
This is not a political gender push, but there were times when she had to take out the trash, attempt mowing the lawn (probably didn't work out too well) and do other things that were once someone else's job in the home. She will convince you she can carry the heavy boxes and hold the door open herself. You have to encourage her that she is more than capable of doing anything and more, but assure her she doesn't have to and remind her that she isn't alone. Four hands can carry a heavy box.
It doesn't matter how long it's been, how old she is, or how many times she thinks about it. Time heals but it does not forget. She will get sad. It could be 20 years later, sitting at a dining table in your new home and she might just get sad. It might be Christmas and she's having to bake two sets of cookies wrapped separately. It might be your child's birthday party and an extra long table is reserved for all the extra blessings you have received because of divorce. She will be joyful because of the moment and the love and the people... but she will be confused for a moment and a bit uncomfortable, even for a split second because things are not the way they were ever supposed to be. She just needs a hug and a little reminder that it is our heavenly father who has placed each person in that room for a reason.
A daughter of divorce will teach you what awkward feels like, and the rewards of embracing it. A baseball game where all the kids from every side sit together and play, a birthday party where an aunt gets stuck with a half sibling, a Christmas morning spent at 4 different places. You will know them like family. She will get anxious at her wedding or graduation party because she wants to include everyone but is specific and wants things to be a certain way. Be her deep breath. Show her life is going with the flow sometimes, and standing firm on others. Help her know when the line has to be drawn, and when her walls should come down. She's not too good at that one.
Finally, a daughter of divorce will not trust you at first. She will be skeptical and scared. But she will do a 180 and trust you with her life once you have committed to loving and pursuing her. You will make mistakes because we all do and you are a human. She knows you are a human, but she will turn small things into big things. In her life, small things always turned INTO big things, so she jumps to conclusions, get anxious, and thinks wild when something goes wrong. She will have to work through those things herself, but you will be right there to hold her when she does. She trusts you more than you ever thought someone could.
A daughter of divorce doesn't have "daddy issues" or "mommy issues"... she does have adaptive characteristics she has picked up because of an imbalance in her life. She runs away from her problems in survival mode. She shuts people out because no one can leave if they were never inside. She is loud and boisterous because it is necessary to communicate and be heard. You have taken on a challenge my friend. God is using you in unique ways. This woman has been so blessed by her experiences and family and you. She will need reminded of the pros. Give her reasons to forget the cons. You are a good man.
